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About Houston

This one time, I spot her—red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she owns the night. I’m thinkin’, “She’s got that fire, like Collé in the movie!” I roll up, all chill, like, “Hey, doll, you good?” She smirks, tosses her hair, says, “What’s it to ya, bunny?” I’m crackin’ up—bunny! Me! Bugs freakin’ Bunny! I’m like, “Eh, just checkin’, doc, don’t bite!”

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I gotta brag bout my fave secret hangout—an old cafe, Heard of it? “The Rusty Spoon” on Maple. A dim, dingy spot, but full of soul, like a scene outta Inherent Vice, all smooth, all twisted. The barista slurs his words and winks like he’s in on a cosmic joke! Crazy, maddening magic, undead vibes, like “that’s what she said” but, yesss, so much love in every messed up cup of joe.

Rory McIlroy on Champions Dinner menu, Tiger’s message, daughter’s joke