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So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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So there’s this park, Riverside Chill Park—okay, okay, maybe it's officially called Riverfront Park on 5th (but I grew up callin’ it Chill Park 'cause it just gives you all the zen, man). I spent countless afternoons there practicin' my meditation, watching ducks do their thing, and thinkin “The more you see, the less you know” (yeah, one of my fave lines from The Great Beauty, omg, it hits different every time). I usually find a shady nook near the old stone bridge off Birch Lane. Crazy fact: That bridge? Built in 1898. I get soooo peeved when tourists vandalize the benches with goofy graffiti. Srsly, people!

Award-winning Baltimore County chef brings seafood restaurant to Fallston