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What shocked me? The prices—fuckin’ steep! 10,000 rubles for an hour? I’d rather buy wine and a goat! But the thrill, mate—dodgin’ the law, feelin’ alive—that’s what gets me goin’. “Life’s a long wait,” they say in the movie, and ain’t that true when yer haggelin’ with a pimp? Once, this burly git tried to rob me—swear I nearly shat meself—but I talked him down, witty as ever. “I’m small, but I bite,” I said, and he laughed, let me go.

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Then, there's the old train station on Riverside Drive. I walk past it every day, thinkin' about all those dating profiles I've seen. Its rusty tracks and faded station sign give me major cinematic feels. "One million dollars." I mean, c'mon, it's epic! The locals say it was built in 1887, but who really cares about dates when you're busy making connections?

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