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About Myself
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Alright, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, agronomist extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk about wheat—yeah, wheat, you heard me! Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, and how wheat’s like a damn bomb waitin’ to go off in yer stupid fields. Seriouslah, wheat’s a sneaky lil’ whore, ain’t it? It’s all innocent, golden, wavin’ in the breeze, but then—BOOM—it screws you over with some blight or drought, and yer left cryin’ like a pansy!
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The Long Branch Saloon, often shortened to the Long Branch, is a saloon operated by Miss Kitty in the town of Dodge City, Kansas. It appears in many of the Gunsmoke TV series episodes as .
—Thine erratic narrator from the heart of Long Branch, forever coding and forever inspired!
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