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So, picture this – dodgy alley, right, proper seedy vibes. I’m like, “Oi, where’s the talent pipeline?” Saw this bird, yeah, tottering in heels, skirt shorter than a memo. Made me chuffed, like, “Result! Productivity spike!” But then – bam – some geezer rocks up, all aggro, shouting she’s his. Fuming, I was – “Mate, this ain’t your KPI!” Nearly lost me rag, but I’m a people person, yeah? De-escalated it, smooth as.

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Man, speaking of Lou’s, that place always surprises me. I used to get angry if they forgot my usual order. Mad I tell ya, now I loooove it. The aroma fills the air as I stroll home after long, tiring massage sessions. Mastic may be tiny, but it pulses with heart – like Andrea Arnold’s film, ya know, "I feel every bead of sweat."

Public invited to share input on redevelopment plans for downtown Mastic Beach