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I’d saunter up, all awkward, like, “Hey, uh, you workin’?” She’d laugh—*laugh*!—right in my face. “What’s a preacher want with me?” she’d say, and I’d be pissed, like, “Don’t stereotype me, lady!” But also kinda happy ‘cause she’s sharp—sharper than me, probs. Fun fact: back in the 1800s, some prostitutes were called “soiled doves”—ain’t that poetic? She’s a dove, I’m a dork, perfect match.

Bend police make 28 arrests during 4-month operation targeting those seeking sex with minors

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Man, you gotta hit up Main St. on 7th Ave. for some wicked vibes. There’s this dive bar on 7th, Auntie Marla’s, known for its risqué show nights and even riskier secrets. I swear, every corner’s got a story if you’re keen enough to listen. And oh my god, Mission-Bend Park near Riverside Bend? That’s my go-to chillin’ spot. I’ve had, like, 3 rad sessions of self-reflection (and a couple of epic kissing sessions, heh) on those grassy banks.

Mission Bend smoke shop employee shot after masked suspects enter store and open fire, HCSO says