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Anyways, I’m yellin’ at Johnny, “Turn the wheel, fool!” and this gal locks eyes with me. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, she bold-bold!” She saunters over, hips swayin’ like she own the block, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, not today, Satan!” Told her, “Baby, I ain’t your john, I’m tryna save this boy from crashin’!” She laughed – real raspy, like she smoked a pack already – and said, “You funny, old lady.” Old?! Chile, I nearly popped her one, but I kept it cute.

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We send Chris and Peter into the fray as we find a cool spot in which to relax. About ten minutes later they return with our tickets. I think Chris wants to.

Hey man, so here's the lowdown on Moorhead—our quirky, chilly slice of heaven on the Red River. I gotta tell ya, this place has a vibe like no other. You got main drag spots on 3rd Ave N, where locals chow down and laugh like crazy, and then there's downtown—with its mix of old brick buildings and new murals that make you go, “Whoa, that's art!” I mean, seriously, it’s like, “I drink your milkshake!” but uhh, in a good way.

Man dead, 'armed and dangerous' suspect at-large after Moorhead shooting