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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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So, here we go: I'm runnin' a massage parlor over on 3rd Street near Main, right? It’s a spot that’s heard more secrets than a dragon’s lair, gollum-style! I sometimes say, "A world of shadow and crash, sneaky, yes," just like in my favorite flick, Werckmeister Harmonies. Sometimes when a customer sighs like a lost soul, I whisper, "We hates it!" and chuckle at life's brutal absurdity.

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