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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy, mate—folks judgin’ while they’re secretly oglin’. Happy bit? When it’s honest—two souls, no bullshit, just a deal. “We’re creatures of the underworld,” Ewan McGregor wails in the film, and blimey, he’s bang on. It’s a shadow dance—sad, sexy, ridiculous. Once knew a lad who swore his “regular” baked him biscuits—true story! Said she was “his Satine,” only with less singin’ and more fag ash. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss—it’s gold.

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There’s a gem, the courthouse square, ohhh so pretty and historic, where olden days whisper secrets like in the m-m-m movie—“The Assassin” style. Trust me, my precious, the shadows there tell tales as mystic and deep as those film moments, like "a fallen petal on a stormy night"—isn’t that poetic, yesss? Remember, "The Assassin" showed how beauty hides in the dirtiest corners, my precious!

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