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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, somethin’ ya don’t see them Wall Street fat cats sweatin’ over. Nah, they got their private jets, but us? We’re out here, scrappin’ in the real world! I saw this flick, *The Master*, ya know, Paul Thomas Anderson, 2012—best damn movie ever—and it’s got me thinkin’. Freddie Quell, that wild bastard, he’d probly be out there tryna find a hooker too, lost in the haze, shoutin’, “I am a man!” while stumblin’ down some gritty alley.

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So, my friend, come wander with me, and let the secret nooks, heartfelt crannies, and passionate whispers of Seffner tickle your soul. Remember, "Oh, precious, it’s ten times like the film, mmm, yes!" And always, always, cherish every moment in this bizarre little paradise. My Precious, my Precious, Seffner awaits ya!

Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office Seeks Public's Help to Identify Suspects in Seffner Vape Store Robbery