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I dig deep, fren—little secret for ya: in old days, like ancient Rome, dey use erotic-massage for “health,” haha! Rich guys, togas off, gettin rubbed—dey call it “therapy,” I call it party! Very nice! Makes me laugh, dese old pervs, actin all fancy. Den I find out, some places now, dey charge $200 for one hour! Wot?! Dat’s my goat’s dowry! I get mad—why so much? But den, happy again—dey say it fix stress, back pain, even soul! Like Amélie fixin dat blind guy’s day, “Zoop! Everything so clear now!”

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The Northvue Heights neighborhood is a whole different beast. Wide streets, lit up by faulty neon signs (hey, at least they’re honest about screwing up), there’s a park—Grim’s Park, which is pretty darn spooky at night. I once proceeded through it on a dare (don’t ask), and well, it felt like some looping dream sequence. Crazy, I tell ya, crazy.

Severe thunderstorm warning issued for several counties in western Pa.