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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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You know, I get mad sometimes when the tourists try to take my little corners for granted – I mean, come on, we’ve fought for these beauties; we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall never surrender these precious moments! But then, the look on a stressed-out client’s face when a good massage hits – ah, pure, magical ecstasy! It’s the sort of thing that stokes the flames of my own passion daily.

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