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Hiya, buddy! Me, a lumberjack? Choppin’ trees and hearts, haha! Sex-dating, huh? It’s wild, like—whoosh—people swipin’ left, right, tryna hook up fast! I’m all goofy over it, like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” Ya know, somethin’ nobody gets but me! I saw this app once, tons of folks chattin’ dirty by Tuesday—Tuesday! Made me laugh so hard I fell off my log!

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The local landmarks are top-notch. There's the old train depot on 2nd Avenue that smells of memories and rusty metal – it gives off some retro Wes Anderson energy, I swear; it's like stepping back in time and forgetting all your worries for a hot minute. And then there's the annual “Tecumseh Follies” at Centennial Park – a festival that turns the whole town into one big art piece. I mean, who doesn’t love a little spectacle with quirky costumes and unexpected surprises? It’s like, "Excuse me, madam, can I interest you in a moment of pure joy?"

Fire guts Tecumseh Township home; cause remains under investigation