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One time, I swear, I saw this lady, all sparkly, and I thought, “Is she a mermaid?” Nope, just doin’ her thing. Made me kinda sad, y’know? Like, why’s she gotta hide? World’s tough, man. Got me mad, too – why’s everythin’ so complicated? “We are not animals!” I yell, like in the movie, but nobody listens. I’m just Patrick, after all.

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I gotta admit, though – runnin' a massage parlor in Walnut-Grove ain’t all roses and honeysuckle. Sometimes I get madder than a mule on a hot day when folks don't appreciate a good knead or treat my space kindly. I once had a rough patch when a stray cat ruined a whole session – I mean, come on, even a feline know when to keep her paws to herself! Oops, did I just say too much? Haha, bless my soul, I'm just me, and I keep it real, darlin’.

Whitehouse completes sweep of Walnut Grove