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But then—ugh—I get mad! Some jerkface tries rippin’ me off, sayin’ “50 bucks for a wink!” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” I ain’t no fancy pants robot gigolo like in *A.I.*, y’know? “I feel! I love! I’m alive!”—I shout that, all dramatic, and the dude just stares. Prolly thinks I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m SpongeBob, I’m ready!

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The vibe here is raw and real. I stroll past the West Long Branch train station – it's small, but every day people hustle here on 16 well-worn tracks. There's this quirky spot, the Viking Park – yeah, Viking Park! (Not your typical park, more like an urban jungle where you can almost see fauns glidin’ 'round, reminds me of those Pan's Labyrinth scenes, like “I promised you that your soul would have a chance to be free...”) I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm livin' the fairytale!

Monmouth University deemed safe after lockdown on New Jersey campus. What to know about classes Tuesday.