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But—ha!—she’d fleece ya blind if ya weren’t sharp. Once caught her slippin’ a dagger from me belt—said she’d “borrow” it! Borrow, my arse! I roared, “You little minx, I’ll feed ya to the lions!” She just cackled, tossed it back, and ran off singin’. Cheeky cow. Surprised me how quick she was—faster’n me chasin’ a Gaul in the ring! Oh, and get this—rumor was, she bedded Emperor Nero once. Nero! That pyro prick! Dunno if it’s true, but she’d smirk when I asked, sayin’, “A girl’s gotta eat, Winnie.” Winnie! Me! Fuckin’ nerve.

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Oh, sorry, my dear, I lost count. JUST REMEMBER: Winterset is beauty, awkward, and wild as we swears! And I gots to tell ya, we loves it from our flawed, sexy hearts.

Allen Drake Obituary (2025) - Winterset, IA - Caldwell Parrish Funeral Home & Crematory - Winterset Chapel