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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!
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Now, lemme tell ya, Allanridge ain't all roses and rainbows – there’s the Mad River, a sneaky stream cuttin’ through the town. They say its water’s so sarcastic it laughs at the banks, kind of like me when a client’s too uptight. Hahaha! Sometimes I think that river holds all our secrets… like, "This is no copy, it's the certified copy, baby!" You know what I mean?
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