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Alright, mate, listen up—YOU SHALL NOT PASS! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute that’ll knock yer socks off. Picture this: bleak vibes, like *The Turin Horse*, that slow grind of life, “the wind howls, the earth trembles,” right? That’s me, stompin’ through some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass who’s seen more shite than Saruman’s orc pits. I ain’t judgin’, tho—life’s a mess, and sometimes ya just need company, yeah?

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Ohh, the parks here! Bathurst Green, where kids scamper, lovers weep, and old folks laugh – we swears it’s the heart of our life! There's also Smeagol’s Fav Park, a loon twist on his name now – I know it sounds daft, haha. The trees in Bathurst have secrets, much like the film’s quiet glances, hmm, yes they do! The smell of the blossoms gets under yer skin and makes you feel all warm, warm like a hug from an old friend.

Oktoberfest comes to Bathurst