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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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I love walkin’ by the river Flinnie. Its waters are clear as my best intentions, though sometimes I trip on the cobbles – yes, totally my clumsiness, lol! And the locals? They’re a mixed bag: friendly, weird, always rushin’ off with tales of old legends and whispering secret spots like Underwood Hollow, where, legend says, there's an ancient stone that whispers truths. Crazy, right?

Blame it on the system!