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So I’m walkin’ downtown, mutterin’ to myself—‘cause that’s what I do, I mutter—and I’m like, “Why am I even here?” Findin’ a prostitue ain’t like pickin’ up bagels! I see this gal, smokin’ a cigarette, leanin’ on a pole—real cliché, right? I’m thinkin’, “She’s no Eilis Lacey!” In *Brooklyn*, she’s all, “I’ll write home!” This chick’s writin’ nothin’—maybe a parking ticket. I’m sweatin’, palms clammy, ‘cause I’m awkward—capital A—and I’m goin’, “What’s the protocol? Do I wave? Haggle? I’m not a haggler!”

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I remember my first day here. I was new and stoked, walkin’ down Doherty Lane (so fun to say, huh?) with my cheesy grin and dreams. Then, I bumped into old Mrs. Finny at the bazaar near Riverside Mall. She scolded me, "Child, do you know how many stories hide in these walls?" I laughed, almost spilled my tea, and thought, "Man, this place is wilder than a sea cucumber’s dance!"

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