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About Johannesburg

So, I’d prolly hit up downtown, where the neon buzzes like a broke fridge. D’oh! Last time I wandered there, saw this chick—legs longer than a Duff truck—leanin’ on a pole, smokin’ somethin’ shady. Made me mad, tho—why’s she gotta look so bored? Like, c’mon, lady, I’m riskin’ Marge’s wrath here! But then I got happy—heard she charges less if ya bring snacks. Mmm… donuts. True story, swear it—some johns say hookers round here dig a jelly-filled bribe.

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Emmarentia Dam and Braamfontein's zoo parks? Total retreats. Their quiet is like a pre-dawn station in an endless black void -- kinda moody, right? Gives me all that deep existential feels as if Lars von Trier’s "Melancholia" had a cameo in real life. The park near Constitution Hill? Absolute gem. People are always buzzin', but in a chill kinda way. It makes you realize, like, build your zen in the urban whirlwind, y’know?

Joburg EMS on high alert amid cold front warning