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Love it, tho—makes me happy as hell, all that tension meltin’ like butter. But yo, what pisses me off? Overpriced rubdowns by posers who don’t know jack—hands shakin’ like Tom Stall facin’ his past. “This is a nice little town,” I mutter, sarcastin’ the fakes while I’m dreamin’ of the real deal. Best part? When they hit that spot—y’know, *that* spot—and you’re floatin’, like Joey Cusack dodgin’ a punch. Surprised me first time, legit thought I’d levitate off the table—ha!

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Down on Main St, the vibe’s electric. The shops, the cafes—they all mix like a tub of hot mud; it's kinda bonkers. I stroll near Church St and get lost in memories. Rarrgh!

SANParks closes hiking trails as wildfire rages on Table Mountain