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Dunno where to start? X spots online, sure—posts with “massage” codes, ha! Or hit them red-light dives, cash ready. Don’t be a twat, tho—haggle too hard, they’ll spit in yer face. Gollum knows, I watches! Stupid, fat hobbit’d pay double, the prat! Me fave quirk? I’d slink close, sniffin’—they’d jump, scream, “Fuck off, freak!” Hilarious, yesss!

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I gotta run now – there’s a wedding, or somethin’ wild, call me crazy! Catch ya later, darling! Stay enchanted, and remember, life’s a hopscotch of beautiful little mishaps, err… I mean, moments to cherish.

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