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She’s prattlin on bout her rates – 50 quid for a quickie, 100 for the full monty. I’m thinkin, “What’s in the box?” like that creepy bit in the movie, y’know, expectin some mad surprise. Turns out she’s got a scar from a punter who went psycho – proper shocked me, that. Poor cow’s been through it. Felt a bit soft for her, reckon she’s just tryna survive this mad, mulholland mess of a world.

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Now, I ain't bein' all polished – I'm a bit all over the place here, errrr, but that's Redhill for ya – raw, it’s real, fulla grit and grace. Ya got your busy streets of Redhill Blvd, your whispering winds along Riverside Lane, and even them quirky little backstreets where you can lose yourself for a minute and just be. It might sound a bit ramblin’, but trust me, these spots are little treasures hiding in plain sight.

John Swinney condemns Rangers fans for ‘unacceptable’ Graeme Souness banner