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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Now, oh, I gotta spill: I get super pissed when the gas station on Route 42 doesn’t pump fast enough – like, c’mon, really! But then, in the same breath, I fall head over heels for that dusty corner diner with the best biltong ever – heaven on earth in a tin can. It's like nature’s whimsical irony – a cosmic joke, ya know?

Sasol cuts emissions-reduction capex as it confirms rejigged plan