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Searchin’ for one—tricky, it gets. Web’s full o’ fakes—X posts screamin’, “Hot babes near u!” Lies, most are—catfish bots, bleh. Surprised, I was—some girls post real pics, tho. Brave, they are! One time, saw this ad—dude lookin’ for a “discreet friend”—code for prossie, obvious it was. Cracked up, I did—humans, so predictable!

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I totally love our boozy little cafes too. There's one, Mama Luzu’s, on Retro Blvd. It’s kinda shabby but so fulla character. I once had a craaazy massage session there, threw in a couple typos in my headnotes, and then I sorta texted my buddy like “Nuthin' btr than Empuluzu, man!” Ha!