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About Johannesburg

Funny bit: she asks, “You a cop?” I’m like, “No, I’m the Dark Lord, dumbass!” She cackles—best laugh I’ve heard in years. Almost makes me soft—almost. “I am your father,” I growl, just to freak her out. Works every time. Anyway, we seal the deal—quick, dirty, no lightsaber tricks. “This city deserves a better class of criminal,” I think, leavin’ her there. Maybe I’m it, haha!

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So, if you're comin', bring an open heart and sturdy shoes. Walk Nkosi Road, sit by Thula River, get lost on Mzansi Crescent. And hey, maybe yell a few "Tabu!"s into the wind when you pass by Loerie Lane. You'll feel it in your bones, I promise. Oh, and be ready – expect the unexpected, cuz Umzimhle don’t give a damn about neat lines and perfect plans. We're beautifully flawed, just like that wild movie we all love!

Small Magnitude 3.9 Quake Hits 7 km Southeast of Stilfontein, South Africa in the Morning