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But okay, fine, there’s good stuff too. Like, legit sexual-massage—ooh la la—can relax ya, get the blood pumpin’. Little factoid for ya: ancient Greeks were into this! Yeah, rubbin’ down athletes, all oiled up—prolly smelled like olives, ha! Imagine that, slicked-up Herculean bods—Homer’d drool, I swear.

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After that, I’m feelin’ good. I decide to hit the beach. Elli Beach, to be exact. The water is crystal clear, and I’m like, “This is the life!” I jump in, and it’s freezing! But refreshing. I’m splashing around like a kid. Then, I see this group of people playing beach volleyball. I’m like, “I can totally join!” Spoiler alert: I can’t. I’m terrible. I hit the ball, and it goes straight into the water. Everyone laughs, and I’m just standing there, red-faced.

Mary A. Rhodes Obituary January 22, 2025