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Alright, listen up, my friend! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’m a masajista now, deal with it! Masaje erótico? Oh, it’s a wild ride, lemme tell ya! Picture this: soft hands, dim lights, tension risin’ like Mount Doom’s about to blow. “¡No pasarás!” I’d yell if some creep tried ruinin’ the vibe—only the worthy get this magic touch! It’s all about that slow burn, ya know, like in *El Azul Es El Color Más Cálido*—that flick’s my jam, all steamy and raw. “Tu es ma lumière,” I’d whisper, like Adèle to Emma, slidin’ oil down a back, feelin’ the heat build.