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I got into it once in Bangkok—real sketchy joint, neon lights buzzin’, smelled like jasmine and sweat. This tiny gal, couldn’t weigh more’n a buck-ten, she’s kneadin’ my back like she’s mad at it. I’m like, “Yo, ease up, I ain’t a damn doughboy!” But then—bam—she flips the script, goes all sensual, and I’m thinkin’, “This is the treasure of the cave,” straight outta Boonmee’s weird-ass jungle. Made me happy as hell, tension gone, but pissed me off too—why ain’t this legal everywhere, huh? World’s too uptight, man.

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So, I grab her and head back. But then, I see this old lady on the corner of Pabradės gatvė. She’s trying to cross, and I’m like, “Lady, you need a hand?” She looks at me, all serious, and says, “Only if you can carry my groceries.” I’m thinking, “Lady, I’m a swineherd, not a bodybuilder!” But I help her anyway.

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