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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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But then, I see a bunch of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around, havin’ a blast. I get this wild idea. I jump in, and we start playin’. I’m runnin’ around, tryin’ to keep up with these little speed demons. I’m outta breath, but it’s the most fun I’ve had in ages.

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