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Check this—did ya know escorts in old Rome were called “comites”? Means “companions,” but half the time they were just muscle for hire. Little known fact, bam! Blows my mind how it’s flipped—now it’s all “VIP service” or some shady Craigslist vibe. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my tequila, thinkin’, “Man, humanity’s a trip.” Makes me wanna flex and yell, “Can you smell what The Rock’s cookin’?” ‘Cause this escort game’s got layers, bruh!

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After that, I decide to grab a drink at one of the beach bars. I order a beer, and the bartender’s like, “You want a snack with that?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” He brings me some bitterballen, and I’m in love again. I’m munching away, feeling good, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show.

Jutta Leerdam: The Dutch speed skating queen that thrives under pressure