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About Salzburg

Alright, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, agronomist extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk about wheat—yeah, wheat, you heard me! Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, and how wheat’s like a damn bomb waitin’ to go off in yer stupid fields. Seriouslah, wheat’s a sneaky lil’ whore, ain’t it? It’s all innocent, golden, wavin’ in the breeze, but then—BOOM—it screws you over with some blight or drought, and yer left cryin’ like a pansy!

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Now, I know you love a good rumble; well, there's the Roter Bach, a small river that peters through town. Its banks are ideal for late night wanderings. I once walked here after a steamy, scandalous session at a local clinic (yep, sexologist territory, baby!), and the flowing water? Magical, like it's washing off all the shame and awkwardness—just like that bleak, mesmerizing vibe in The Turin Horse where, honestly, nothing fits perfectly and everyone’s quietly spiraling.

Buried in medieval graves, they did not rest in peace