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But here’s the kicker—findin’ a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ and pickin’. Nah, it’s a game, man! You gotta read ‘em, dodge the fakes—some’ll rob ya blind. One time, this gal tried slippin’ my wallet—jokes on her, I ate her pride with a side of chianti! Okay, not really, but I scared her off good. “You’re all alone, aren’t you?” I said, quotin’ Royal—worked like a charm.

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The parks here? Oh lord, they're so darn lovely. I love strollin’ by the Greenvale Park – yep, that's my secret weekend hideout – where trees whisper secrets in the breeze (or so I like to think). I even lost track of time once, just sittin’ and massagin’ my own sore back with nature’s lullaby. Ain't that somethin'?

Matt Spiranovic post-match: Friendly v Pascoe Vale