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About Dortmund

Findin’ a prossie ain’t like orderin’ pizza, fam. You don’t just Google “hookers near me” and bam—done. Nah, it’s dodgy alleys, sketchy vibes, and blokes tryna rob ya blind. Back in the day—like, Victorian times—London had these “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel, dodgin’ Jack the Ripper. Fun fact: they’d advertise with coded handkerchiefs—red for “I’m game,” white for “piss off.” Mental, right? History’s wild.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Rehau.

Now, don’t even get me started on the parks. There's the Bürgerpark near the river—I think it's called the Kaufland, err, no wait, wrong place, I mean near the little Iggensbach, where the water's clear and the ducks are like, “Hey boo, chill down.” I love massaging by that spot sometimes. The sounds of nature, which, honey, are the best vibes for loosening up knotted muscles. I always say, “Always bring your dreams, never forget your nose!” Oh, sorry, that might've been Wes Anderson talkin' in me.

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