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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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Next, I headed to the port. Man, the view was insane! The river, the boats, the whole scene. But then, I saw this massive cargo ship. It was blocking the whole view! I was like, “Seriously?!” I mean, come on, can’t a guy enjoy a nice river view without a giant ship photobombing?

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