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Then—plot twist—she starts talkin’ bout her day, like we’re pals! Says some creep stiffed her last night, no tip, nothin’. I’m ragin’ for her, like, “Fuck that guy!” Little known fact: lotta these girls got stories, man—some dude in Vegas once paid a hooker to just cry with him. Weird, right? I’m over here, chaotic as fuck, screamin’ in my head, “This is art, this is life!” She’s smirkin’ at me, probs thinkin’ I’m nuts. I ask her name—says it’s “Candy,” and I’m like, “That’s fake as hell, I love it!” *Certified Copy* vibes again—“The copy’s as good as the original,” ya know?

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Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Where are you? We need that merch moved!” I’m like, “Chill, I’m working on it!” But inside, I’m panicking. I can’t let my boss down. So, I down my pint and rush back to the market.

Derry make it back-to-back All-Ireland MFC finals after edging Kerry in Mullingar