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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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I get to Oak St., and it’s chaos. I mean, rats everywhere! I’m talkin’ like a full-on rat rave. They’re scurrying around like they own the place. I pull out my traps, and wouldn’t ya know it, one of ‘em springs back and hits me right in the shin. Ouch! I yelped like a little kid. People walking by just stared. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m fine, just a ratcatcher with a trap for a best friend.”

Confey survive strong third quarter pressure to reach semi-finals