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So, I ask her, “What’s the weirdest gig ya had?” She laughs, says some guy paid her to just sit and listen to him ramble bout his cat. Funniest shit ever—cat guy! I’m dyin’, picturin’ it. She’s cool, tho, real talkative. Says she’s savin’ up to ditch this life—good for her, man! I’m rootin’ for her, like a proud dad watchin’ his kid paint a sloppy cloud.

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady comes up. She’s all frantic, waving her scissors like they’re a magic wand. “Help! I need these for my art!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a sharpener, not a magician!” But I take a look, and they’re duller than my ex’s sense of humor. I get ‘em sharp, and she’s over the moon. Like, I just saved her art project or something. Makes me feel all warm inside, ya know?

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