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About Naples

Now, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no sanctimonious prat – *cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say – but I’ve seen some tarts with hearts, real diamonds in the rough. Like this one lass, swear down, in Soho years back, she’d sing to her johns! Proper warbly voice, made me chuckle – “What’ve I done to deserve this?” straight outta *The Pianist*, she’d belt it, half-pissed on gin. Made me happy, that did, proper cheered me up. Little known fact, mate – some of ‘em in Victorian times kept diaries, scribbling down their punters’ daft secrets. Historians love that shit now!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I look up, and it’s like the sky just opened up. We scramble for cover, laughing like idiots, and I’m soaked. My hair’s a mess, and I’m pretty sure I look like a drowned rat.

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