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So, I hit up Newark, shady spots, y’know? Where the lights flicker like they’re drunk. This chick, she’s standin’ there, leanin’ on a pole, skirt shorter than my patience. I roll up, window down, “Hey, sweetheart, you workin’?” She’s like, “Maybe, whatchu got?” I’m thinkin’, “I don’t even know anymore,” like Bill Murray mumblin’ to Scarlett Johansson. That line, “The more you know who you are,” yeah, it’s spinnin’ in my head, but I’m too horny to care.

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Then, I took a boat ride on Lake Ashi. The views? Unreal. I’m talking about Mount Fuji peeking through the clouds like, “Hey there!” I’m snapping pics like a tourist on steroids. But then, the boat starts rocking, and I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I’m gripping the railing, praying I don’t end up in the water.

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