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Gets me goat when folks judge it, tho – “Ooh, it’s naughty!” Sod off, it’s relaxin, alright? Me fave bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks, mate! “Sharon!” I yell, cos it’s like, who else’d get this madness? Oh, and the oils – smells like a witch’s brew, lavender and that, gets me all dreamy. Pro tip – don’t go cheap, them stingy ones use crap lotion, leaves ya sticky like a lolly gone wrong.

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By the time the lunch rush hits, I’m in full-on survival mode. People are ordering like they’re at a drive-thru. “One cappuccino, two flat whites, and a mocha!” I’m like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a race!” But I’m hustling, pouring, steaming, and trying not to lose my mind.

Hesper’s fall, Differdange’s march, and Niederkorn’s late surge shake up of BGL Ligue