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Ayy, gabagool? Ova here! So, listen, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout sex-dating, right? Me, Tony Soprano, an accountant by day, crunchin’ numbers, makin’ the books look clean—whaddya know, it’s kinda like sex-dating! You gotta balance the sheets, keep it discreet, or ya screwed, capisce? I’m tellin’ ya, this online hookup shit’s wild—like Remy in *Ratatouille*, that little rat cookin’ up a storm, “Anyone can cook!” Yeah, anyone can swipe too, but it don’t mean ya good at it!

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First stop, the Markt. I grab my usual coffee from that little café, De Klok. You know, the one with the weirdly friendly barista? She’s always got a smile, but today, she looked like she’d seen a ghost. I’m like, “Yo, what’s up?” She just shrugs and hands me my coffee. I take a sip, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my partner, Jan. “We got a situation,” he says. Great, just what I needed.

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