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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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But then, I step outside, and my umbrella flips inside out. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just your average day in Zuid-Scharwoude!” Finally, I give up and just walk in the rain. Who cares? I’m soaked, but it feels kinda liberating.

Dylan Farley - Baseball