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About Tauranga

Oi mate, so I’m a sailor, aye? Been sailin’ round, waves crashin’, salty air—bloody brilliant! But ports, oh ports, they’re wild, innit? Findin’ a prostitute—hah! Tricky business, that. *trips over imaginary rope, mumbles* Oopsie daisy! Right, so, I dock in this grubby town, yeah? Smells like fish an’ trouble. Me, Mr. Bean, thinkin’—ooh, adventure! Like *City of God*, ya know? “Knockout Ned don’t mess about!”—but me? I mess EVERYTHING up!

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After that drama, I head over to the Pukekohe-East market. It’s a Saturday, so it’s packed. I’m dodging people left and right, trying to get to my fave stall. They sell the freshest produce, and I’m all about that healthy life. But guess what? They’re outta avocados! Like, seriously? What’s a millennial without their avos? I’m fuming.

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