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About Auckland

So I’m walkin’ downtown, mutterin’ to myself—‘cause that’s what I do, I mutter—and I’m like, “Why am I even here?” Findin’ a prostitue ain’t like pickin’ up bagels! I see this gal, smokin’ a cigarette, leanin’ on a pole—real cliché, right? I’m thinkin’, “She’s no Eilis Lacey!” In *Brooklyn*, she’s all, “I’ll write home!” This chick’s writin’ nothin’—maybe a parking ticket. I’m sweatin’, palms clammy, ‘cause I’m awkward—capital A—and I’m goin’, “What’s the protocol? Do I wave? Haggle? I’m not a haggler!”

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Finally, I get the report done. I’m feeling like a champ. I head out for lunch at the local fish and chips shop on High Street. Best chips ever! I grab a feed and sit by the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m just vibing. Then, I see this kid flying a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I was that carefree.”

Toxic landfill site could cost up to $35m to clear