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I was stoked at first, like, “Whoa, cool plant!” But then she started takin’ over, chokin’ my daisies. Pissed me off big time! I yelled, “You ain’t the boss, Whore!” Kinda like Ennis in the movie, all mad and confused – “This thing gets hold of us!” She’s sneaky, dude, roots deeper than my skateboard scars. Once, I yanked her out, thought I won – nope! Next day, bam, she’s back, laughin’ at me. “Eat my shorts, Whore!” I said, but she don’t care.

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Finally, I manage to calm him down. But then, I see my ex, Lisa, walkin’ down the track. Ugh, just my luck! She’s with some dude, and I’m like, “Really? You couldn’t pick a better spot?” I’m tryin’ to focus, but all I can think about is how she dumped me for some guy who wears socks with sandals. Like, come on!

Third Abbott St fire in three weeks