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I’d cruise, stoic, watchin shadows. “Whoa,” the masks they wear! Like Monsieur Oscar switchin gigs. Happy when it’s real, tho—good vibes. Ever tried hagglin? Ballsy move, sometimes works. Exaggeratin here, but one time, swear, chick quoted me 500! Laughed my ass off— “Later, princess!” Keep it simple, safe, cash upfront. That’s the Keanu way, bro.

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

Study: Hurricane Maria and its aftermath caused a spike in Puerto Rico deaths, with nearly 3,000 more than normal