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Dunno, man, it’s a weird buzz – part sleazy, part sad. Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – reckon she’d slap me for this. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I’m Ozzy, I see the shadows others miss! Like, did ya know Victorian tarts used arsenic makeup? Killed ‘em slow – grim as fuck, eh? Makes ya think.

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Finally, I get to the bar, and it’s already packed. I mean, who knew Luquillo could be this busy on a weekday? The sun’s shining, the waves are crashing, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. But then, my bartender, Carlos, spills a whole tray of piña coladas. Like, seriously? I could feel my blood boiling. I mean, those drinks are like liquid gold!

In Puerto Rico Town, Locals Wait for Power After Massive Blackout