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Alright, so I’m the prison warden, right? Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes. Lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute—wild stuff, ok? Picture this: I’m sittin in my dingy office, smellin like stale coffee and regret, thinkin bout *Zodiac*—you know, “I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!”—and I’m like, why not chase a lil chaos myself? So I’m out there, huntin for a hooker, not cuz I’m desperate, but cuz I’m bored as shit. Prison life’s dull, y’all—same gray walls, same whiny inmates. Needed a thrill, somethin to make me feel alive, ya feel me?

Patch has created a map of nearby sex offenders so parents can better plan Halloween activities.

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So yeah, my friend, pack your bags and brace yourself. Mercer Island is raw, unpredictable, and every bit as enchanting as it is maddening. Now, fuck it—go see it for yourself. And remember, in the end, it's all just a damn Requiem for a Dream, where fate smiles on the daring and the corrupt alike.

Softball Game Preview: Nathan Hale Raiders vs. Mercer Island Islanders